My ADD / ADHD Blog

Prioritizing and Getting Stuck

Wow, it's been almost 3 weeks since I blogged! I think this may have been the longest I've gone with out blogging since I started the blog 4 years ago. Once again I thought I was having writer's block because I couldn't think of anything to write. But, once it again it was because I had so many thoughts, ideas, and events that I could write about and didn't stop to take the time to prioritize and choose just one to start with.

When I did finally stop for a few minutes to get things out of my head and on paper I was amazed at how easy it was for me to choose where to start. For example I have 3 important events happening this week at ADDClasses.com and realized writing about them in the order they will be happening made a lot of sense.

Monday - Terry Matlen and I are going to open up the ADD Action Club For new Members.

Tuesday -  Dr. John Ratey will be offering a Free Teleseminar about ADHD and Exercise

Wednesday - The 6 Week Free Organized Job Search Program begins.

Coaching Tip: When you are stuck and not sure how to prioritize, start with a very simple system.

Adult ADHD and Thinking the Worst

It's quite common for Adults with ADHD to automatically think the worst and jump to the wrong conclusions. Some of it is do to impulsivity and some of it is due to past experiences. When Adults with ADHD have a poor self image we automatically think the worst about ourselves and it's quite often not the case.

So when you are thinking the worst about yourself stop for a few moments to ask yourself if you have all the facts. If you don't then it's probably a good idea to try and get them. As adults with ADHD we beat up ourselves enough for real things and we don't need to beat ourselves up for things that may not even be true.

Does Passion + Interest really = Success?

No!!! Passion + Interest does not = Success - Despite what some professionals in the ADHD Community are telling you. Passion plus interest is only part of the equation. When talking about adults with ADHD we can't forget the other parts of the equation.

Saying passion + interest = success is like saying that 2 pieces of bread makes sandwich. The bread is the most important part of the sandwich but alone does not make a sandwich. Just like Passion + Interest may be the most important keys to success but alone do not create success.

We can't forget the fact that we need systems in place and that we need balance in our lives. Though we should not focus primarily on our challenges and weaknesses we can't just pretend they don't exist. We do need to manage our challenges and weakness and sometimes improve them also.

Re-evaluate and Change

It's hard to believe that 2008 is almost over. It's been quite an eventful year and definitely full of changes. Some of the changes of 2008 were welcomed changes and some were not. Changes in the world and in our own lives give us the opportunity to re-evaluate our lives.
                         
People with ADHD constantly need to re-evaluate the systems and strategies they are using. The end of 2008 is a great time to begin or continue to re-evaluate before planning and implementing changes in 2009.
 
  A few question to are yourself are:                        

• What DID work for me in 2008?
• What did not work for me in 2008?
• What do I want for myself in 2009?
• What can I add in 2009?
• What can I change in 2009                     

Some people can ask these questions to themselves, figure out the answers, and implement them on their own. For others the help of a professional like an ADHD Coach or an ADD Coaching Program might be helpful. Either way, now is a good time to begin thinking about a plan for 2009.

Making Expectations Clear

Quite often people with ADHD and those who live and work with us take it for granted that each others expectations are clear. For example, the other day I was reading through ADD Forums and a woman was complaining that her boyfriend was seeing other women. Of course most of the people responding to the post assumed the man was wrong or bad.

It got me thinking! Was this man actually wrong? Or did this couple just fail to effectively communicate their expectations of the relationship to each other? It could have just been that he didn't think they were exclusive and she did.

I too have challenges when come to assuming other people understand my expectations. When they don't, it's far too easy for me to assume the worst about others and myself. Something that I am really going to focus on is 2009 is to clearly express my exceptions of people.

2 of my goals for 2009 are:

1. To clearly state my expectations to others
2. To clarify that others understand my expectations the same way I do

Not Worth My Time

The buzz around social networking sites like FaceBook and Twitter is that Starbucks is giving out free coffee tomorrow to people who tell them they have voted. Don't get me wrong I love coffee and I love free stuff. What I don't like is waiting in line and dealing with crowds. While the initial idea of getting something for free excited me a bit, the reality is that it's not worth my time.

I think this is something for people with Adult ADHD to think about. How valuable is your time? It the time and energy it takes for something like getting a $3 cup of coffee for free really worth it to you? Or could you be using that time and energy towards something else?

Maybe the free cup of coffee is really worth it to you! But, it's really something to think about!

Breaking the Rules

Lately I've been seeing a lot of different coaches and other self-help people encouraging people to break the rules. I worry a bit about people with Adult ADHD when somebody suggests they break the rules. Many people with Adult ADHD will just break the rules with out thinking about things!

I'm not suggesting either way to break the rules or not to break rules. What I am suggesting is to ask yourself some questions:

• What about the "rule" is not working for you?
• What are some possible consequences of breaking the rules?
• What can you do as an alternative to breaking the rules?

I think it's important that if somebody is going to break the rules that it's thought out and not just done for the sake just breaking the rules.

Comparing Yourself to Others

We are all humans and it's only human nature to compare ourselves to others. I just don't buy the advice some people give when they tell you not to compare yourself to other people. For people with Adult ADHD I think we need to be careful how we actually go about comparing ourselves to other people.

There's really a fine line when it comes to comparing ourselves to others. We do live in the real world and most of us need to fit into society. So there are rules and norms that we do have to follow to be somewhat like the rest of the world. We do need be aware how we are measuring up to other people.

Then again we are different and need to appreciate our differences. I don't think there is a simple answer on where to draw that line. I guess each of us needs to play around with that line to find out what works for each of us. Hopefully we won't get ourselves into too much trouble testing out how far to move the line!

Getting Past the Shame

Yesterday I got an email from a 24 year old woman with Adult ADHD who was fed up with herself. She was having some major ADHD related issues including problems with finances. She contacted me hoping I could give her some encouragement. As an ADHD Coach a lot of what I do is to help my clients develop better strategies and systems to move forward.

However, I have come to learn that those systems and strategies are only part of moving forward. I think one of the most important things people with Adult ADHD can do is to get past the shame and forgive themselves. Believe me I do know my role as an ADHD Coach is NOT to try and improve people's emotional states. That should be dealt with by a qualified mental health professional not an ADHD Coach.

While the deep emotional issues are something that should be addressed with a qualified mental health professional there is also a lot of power in groups. I don't think there's anything like connecting with other people with Adult ADHD who "get it". Knowing that you are not alone and realizing that other people also do those "quirky ADD things" can really help with getting past the shame and beginning to forgive yourself.

I really urge the woman who sent me the email and those of you reading this post to try and connect with a group of other people who have Adult ADHD. Even if it's a bit of a drive try to attend a local Adult ADHD support group. Connect with others online at a site like ADDer World. If it's an option register for an ADD Coaching Program.

Just find some way to connect!!!

Pay Extra Attention to Your Finances

Unless you have been living in a cave and cut off from the outside world you've heard that ecomomy is a total mess! I know many of you are thinking that you didn't have any money to invest in the stock market in the first place so you really don't need to worry!

Wrong!!

This is the time that you need to pay some extra attention to your finances and make sure you read all of your new and existing agreements very carefully! Also make sure you double check your credit card limits! Many banks and credit card companies are decreasing people's limits, even good customers!

Also make sure you are getting your bills in on time!! Maybe even think about paying them a few days earlier than you usually do. The lenders are not going to be as forgiving as the were in the past. You don't want to risk extra charges or worse!!